The Spare Room Is a Yes or No Question: Check Your House Before a Parent Moves In

Moving a parent into your home is a decision the house has to answer before anyone signs off on it. Walk the house the way the parent would live in it, and let what you find decide the next step.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Check the bathroom route first

Count the steps between the room the parent would use and the nearest toilet and shower. If the only bathroom is up or down a flight, write that down as the first fact. Ask whether the parent can use a bathroom on the same level, and whether a bedside commode or a second bathroom would be needed. Measure the walk in feet, not in hopes.

Walk the entry and the front steps

Check how the parent gets into the house on a bad day, not a good one. Count the front steps, look at the handrail, and check the light at the door. Measure the doorways and see whether a walker can turn in the hall. Those are the paths the parent will use most, and they are the ones you will walk every day.

Sleep in the room you would give them

Spend a night, or at least a long afternoon, in the room the parent would use. Notice the bed height, the distance to the bathroom, the light switch, and whether you can hear the room from your own bed. Ask yourself whether you would sleep with the door open. Note each problem you would have to work around every night.

Ask the household the questions in writing

Everyone who lives in the house needs to answer the same questions before the move. Ask who covers the parent during your work hours, who answers when the parent calls out, and what happens on a night that goes badly. Ask the parent's doctor and therapist how much help they expect the parent to need, and whether that is likely to change. Write the answers on one page and keep it where everyone can read it.

Set the exit before you move in

Decide, while things are calm, what would mean the arrangement is not working. Name the signs in advance, such as a fall inside the house, a night that nobody can cover, or a plan that is not holding after the first few weeks. Decide who makes that call and what the next step is, whether that is more help at home, a different room, or another living arrangement. Local options are listed on the Local Help page. If you want the rest of the desk's notes first, the reading order shows where to begin.